Talking about sex has never been an easy thing for most Americans. Among young women recently surveyed, nearly half reported feeling somewhat or very uncomfortable discussing sexuality with their parents. However, the same young women reported wishing that their mothers (97%) and fathers (87%) had shared more information with them about sexuality (Hutchinson & Cooney, 1998). There are many great reasons to discuss issues of sexuality with the adolescents in our lives. Increased and improved communication between adults and teens about sexuality has been linked to delayed timing of first intercourse and increased likelihood of adolescent contraceptive use (see review by Miller, 1998) . Current research shows that communication about sexuality is time and energy well spent.
Sources:
CDC (1998). Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 47.
Hutchinson, M. K., & Cooney, T. M. (1998). Patterns of parent-teen sexual risk communication: Implications for intervention. Family Relations, 47, 185-194.
Lerner, R. M. (1995). Youth in Crisis: Challenges and options for programs and policies. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications.
Miller, B. C. (1998). Families Matter: A Research Synthesis of Family Influences on Adolescent Pregnancy. Washington, DC: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.
UNAIDS Press Release (April 22, 1998). New report finds five young people infected with HIV every minute. UNAIDS: http://www.us.unaids.org/highband/press/prlaunen.html
Listen... really listen. Listening provides an excellent method to gather information about the adolescent(s) you love. Listening helps you understand what they already know and how accurate their information is. Provide your full attention and share your understanding of the issue being discussed.
Make or take the opportunity to share. Let teens know that you care and are really interested in talking. Prioritize communication. Set aside five to ten minutes each night to talk one-on-one with the adolescent. If topics are difficult to come up with in the beginning, have a hat full of topics, and draw one. Topics might include contraception, dating, HIV/AIDS, and pregnancy, as well as euthanasia, divorce, academic goals, or family plans. Conversation need not always focus on the teens' specific experiences. Exchanging attitudes, values, and concerns is also important. Simply communicating on a regular basis should increase the intimacy between you and the adolescent.
Share personal values and accept teens' values. A one hour sermon on your beliefs, values, and morals is not necessary. Often times it is taken for granted that teens understand what motivates the actions of adults. It is particularly important to share your values about sexuality. The media provides an excellent opportunity to discuss views on sexuality. Adolescents whose parents discussed sexuality as depicted in the media with them reported a delay in the timing of first sexual intercourse (see review by Jaccard, 1993).
Be honest. If it is honesty that you want from another person, then it is important that you practice personal honesty. Are you unaware of the latest and greatest in current contraceptive methods? Don't pretend to know everything. Cooperative learning is a great tool. Get pamphlets, videos, and other sources of information and learn together.
Allow the teens to be the expert when and where appropriate. There are some issues that are unique to current society and your location, whether urban, suburban, or rural. For example, just as clothing and music have changed over the years, so have dating rituals. Let teens know that you are interested in what the dating scene is like now. What places are "in"? What are attitudes about group dates, double dates, and dating alone? What is the current criteria for going steady? Is the phrase, "going steady" still used? Having teens in your life provides you with an unique opportunity to keep up on the latest trends, including fashion, music, and attitudes. Take advantage of what you can learn.
Ups & Downs is edited by Stephen T. Russell, Ph.D.,
Assistant Youth Development Cooperative Extension Specialist,
University of California, Davis