September 1996

Coming Home To A "Challenger"

Reconnecting with kids at the end of the day often isn t easy, but working parents of a "challenger" an unusually strong-willed, impulsive or energetic youngster may find the transition especially hard. "A challenger has trouble delaying his wants and bombards his parents the minute they walk in the door," observes Mitch Golant, PhD, and Donna Corwin, authors of The Challenging Child: A Guide for Parents of Exceptionally Strong-Willed Children (Berkeley).

As a working parent tries to deal with the child s demands along with dinner and family chores, emotions often escalate, and the evening turns into chaos. If that description sounds familiar, here are some sanity-saving tips:

Build in time for yourself at the end of the day. Get off one stop earlier from the bus and use the walk home to unwind. Stop the car at a scenic site for a few minutes of calm contemplation.

When you arrive home or at after-school care, focus your full attention on your child for at least five minutes. Assure your youngster that the two of you will have more time together later in the evening. Briefly discuss what you might do read, play a board game or just snuggle and talk.

Let your youngster know the lineup of evening events. Quickly run through the anticipated activities: homework, dinner, bath, TV, reading, etc.

Make it clear that you expect your child to follow this agenda. Let him know that there will be consequences, such as the loss of TV privileges, if he doesn t.

Mitch Golant, PhD, and Donna Corwin are the authors of The Challenging Child: A Guide For Parents Of Exceptionally Strong-willed Children (Berkeley). (Working Mother, June 1996).

Golden Rules For Golden Years

You may have seen all of these "golden rules" at different times in various places, but here they are together: 11 ways to stay healthy and active for as long as possible.

"Use it or lose it." That s what gerontologists tell people about keeping both their minds and their bodies active.

Maintain your interest in life. Make an effort to keep in regular contact with family and friends.

Discover new activities or rekindle your interest in an old hobby.

Share your time and talents. This could be as easy as reading to school children or volunteering at your favorite museum.

Exercise.

Eat a diet that is high in fiber and essential nutrients and low in fat, salt and refined sugars.

Give up smoking and drink in moderation.

Get proper health care including screening for heart disease and cancer.

Keep immunizations current.

Follow your physician s instructions for proper care of any medical conditions.

Take any medications correctly.

Adapted from University of Texas Lifetime Health Letter (Work & Family Life, Balancing Job and Personal Responsibilities, June 1996).

Friendships Are Important To Children

Contrary to popular opinion, the best indicator of how well your child will adapt as an adult is not school grades, but peer friendships, says Willard W. Hartup, Ph.D., a child development specialist at the University of Minnesota. Peer relationships contribute substantially to social and cognitive development and to the effectiveness with which we function as adults. Early friendships provide four basic functions that help children in their journey toward adolescence and adulthood:

. Emotional resources for having fun and for dealing with stressful situations or events.

. Cognitive resources for solving problems and acquiring knowledge.

. Social contexts for gaining and enhancing basic soial skills such as communication and cooperation.

. Relationship models as a way to view subsequent relationships.

Building confidence. As emotional resources, friendships provide children with the security to meet new people and tackle new problems. Friends set the emotional stage for exploring their surroundings and support the processes involved in just having fun. Studies have found that friendships actually help to buffer children from adverse effects of negative events such as family conflict or illness.

Helping children learn. Children also provide cognitive resources for their friends. Friends teach one another in various situations mimicking in speech or clothing is common among childhood friends. Studies show that friends who collaborate on a task show greater mastery over that task than non-friends who collaborate. Friends talk more and take more time to work out differences in their understanding of game rules. They compromise more readily than non-friends do. These conditions make friendships a unique context for learning.

A model for the future. Children s friendships can be considered as templates or models for future relationships. While new relationships are never exact copies of old ones, the organization of behaviors and skills learned in relationships often transfer from old ones to new ones.

Source: Work and Family Life, Balancing Job and Personal Responsibilities, (June 1996).

Assessing Your Child s Academic Progress

As summer ends and a new school year begins, it is a good time to evaluate your child s academic progress. As you look back on the past year, ask yourself the following questions:

. On most days, did your child come home from school enthusiastic about what he had learned?

. Did your child frequently ask to stay home because of a headache, stomachache, sore throat or another physical symptom?

. Did your youngster complain about being bored or not understanding material?

. Was the homework sufficient to reinforce lessons learned in school without being overwhelming?

. Did your youngster s report card show an upward or downward trend from the beginning to the end of the academic year? Was there one problem area, or did you notice numerous trouble spots?

. Did your child seem to be sliding by or working at full potential?

If you are less than satisfied with your youngster s academic experience, think through your options for the upcoming year. Because of budgetary cutbacks, many schools no longer supply special tutoring or remedial programs. If you are concerned about your child s progress, talk with local school officials. However, you may want to consider private tutoring for your child or using special community resources.

A good place to get information is the free hotline sponsored by the Independent Educational Consultants Association, 1-800-808-IECA, which provides the names of local consultants who can offer unbiased advice on public and private educational options within your community.

Source: Dianne Hales is author of Kids! Accessing Your Youngster s School Year (Working Mother, June 1996).

A Generation Lost?

Statistics point toward growing troubles for America s youth. According to the National Association of Psychiatric Treatment Centers for Children:

. The number of children who need mental health services doubles each year.

. The number of juveniles entering the correctional system has doubled since 1988.

. Of juveniles in the correctional system, 30 percent have an emotional or behavioral problem.

And research continues to uncover the disturbing trend toward young offenders committing serious crimes. A recent study of delinquency in children under the age of 10 in Hennepin County, Minn., including Minneapolis, illustrates the extent of the problem.

. Child welfare workers previously had investigated the families of 81 percent of children arrested.

. 70 percent of the children had a parent or sibling with a criminal record.

. 91 percent came from families that either were on welfare or had received public aid in the past.