Celebrate Your Family

Thanksgiving week (November 24-30) is the time we celebrate and honor the many blessings we have. Family heritage and loyalties are integral to the "good life" most people so desperately want. So, let us join together, not just in our nuclear family, but with our community, our extended family of relatives, friends, neighbors, visitors and students, to give thanks for each other. When families come together for their traditional Thanksgiving gatherings, the following considerations may help promote and strengthen family relationships:

. Spend more time sharing and listening and less time complaining. Use the language of compliments and acceptance with those with whom you celebrate.

. Spend more time beside the fire and less time feuding or persuading. Accepting and sharing people s differences can enrich everyone s lives.

. Don t try to duplicate past family experiences. Relax and enjoy the present. Be kind, helpful, and most of all, forgiving of past hurtful memories.

.Develop meaningful rituals that involve all family members and that can be passed down from one generation to another. Ritual is often the existential anchor that provides meaningful memories.

A Family

A family is a place,

to cry and laugh and vent frustrations,

to ask for help, and tease and yell,

to be touched and hugged and smiled at.

A family is people,

who care when you are sad,

who love you no matter what,

who share your triumphs,

who don t expect you to be perfect,

just growing with honesty in your own

direction.

A family is a circle,

where we learn to like ourselves,

where we learn to make good decisions,

where we learn to think before we do,

where we learn integrity and table manners an respect for other people,

where we are special,

where we share ideas,

where we learn the rules of life to prepare

ourselves for the world.

The world is a place

where anything can happen.

If we grow up in a loving family,

we are ready for the world.

Coping With A Bully At School

Bullying is a common problem of childhood. According to the National Association of School Psychologists, about one in seven schoolchildren that s about five million kids has been either a bully or a victim. And the costs of this situation are enormous. Targets of persistent bullying may become depressed or fearful and may even lose interest in going to school.

What is bullying? Bullying is defined as any kind of ongoing physical or verbal mistreatment where there is an imbalance of power usually a bigger, older child picking on a smaller or weaker one. Another hallmark of bullying is that the victim appears to be very upset by the incident, while the bully is matter-of-fact, saying things like "What s the big deal? or `The kid asked for it." It s really important for adults not to mistake bullying for normal childhood conflict. Some conflict between kids is expected. Bullying, on the other hand, shouldn t be tolerated at all.

What can a parent do? It s important to teach kids how to avoid being bullied and how to defend themselves when such abuse does occur. Following are steps you can take to help bully-proof your own youngster.

Teach self-respect. A confident child is less likely to become the victim of a bully. A pat on the back every once in a while works wonders. Make sure positive comments "I like the way you cleaned up your toys without being asked" or "You did a great job getting yourself dressed this morning" outweigh negative ones.

.Teach your child to express herself clearly, yet diplomatically. Help your youngster learn to use "I" statements. If your daughter tells a friend "I don t like to play that game anymore," who can argue? After all, that s how she feels. When a child knows how to express herself without stepping on other people s toes, she tends to be popular with her peers and, as mentioned, having friends is a good way to keep bullies at bay.

.Watch your child s non-verbal language. Verbally asserting yourself is not very effective if your body language tells another story. Teach your child to present himself confidently, to bolster his assertive words by relaxing his body (deep breathing helps), keeping his hands steady and maintaining frequent eye contact. Bullies tend to gravitate toward kids who are unsure of themselves.

.Encourage friendships. Children who are loners tend to be more vulnerable to bullies. Help your youngster begin to build social skills early on, even as a preschooler. If your child has few friends, she might need your help in learning how to initiate friendships or join in group activities.

.What should you do if your child is being bullied? Discussing some of these bully-busting strategies with your youngster may help.

.Know when to assert yourself. Let the bully know that his actions won t be tolerated. This can be as simple as telling the bully, "You can t talk to me like that. Leave me alone!" A word of caution: Some bullies actually feed on getting a response. Therefore, your child should assert himself just once. If it doesn t work, move on or the bullying may escalate. Whatever you do, don t encourage your child to fight the bully.

.Use humor to deflect an onslaught. Doing or saying something funny or unexpected is another effective means of deflecting a bully. Help your child come up with a silly one-liner (`You yellow-bellied school bus ) that could throw the bully off balance. It might be enough to make her stop.

.Don a poker face. Teach your child to never let a bully see that he s upset or scared. A child who is obviously anxious or nervous lets the bully know his tactics are working. He may need help finding ways to hide his emotions.

.Leave when necessary. The best stay away from a bully is simply to avoid him. Suggest to your child that she duck down a different stairwell or take a new bike route home. However, running away is not a long-term solution, since it may only delay the onslaught. Rather, it should be looked at in terms of safety a way to avoid immediate harm.

.Don t be ashamed to ask for help. As a last resort, encourage your child to report the bullying to his teacher. Parents need to get beyond the misguided idea that kids always need to solve their own problems, that it toughens them up.

Although it might be unrealistic to expect that your children will never cross paths with a bully, it is possible to teach them the skill needed to avoid becoming victims. Children who feel value and respected, and who have the proper weapons in their arsenal have the wherewithal to withstand the slings and arrows the meanest bully dishes out. Tips For Positive Coping

. I own all parts of me, my mistakes as well as my successes.

. I need to create some private time for myself.

. I must find time to play. It s not just for kids.

. Separate the past from the present.

. Prioritize. I don t have to do it all.

. I need to care for myself and find others to help nurture me.

. Plan ahead.

. I give myself permission to change my mind and rest and relax.

Unsafe Schools May Prompt Dropping Out

Students who feel unsafe at school are at risk of dropping out by 10th grade, according to a longitudinal study of 13,217 public school students. By 10th grade, eight percent, or 200,000 adolescents, had dropped out of school. About a third of these dropouts experienced an unsafe school environment in eighth or 10th grades, or both. By comparison, 18 percent of those who stayed in school felt unsafe in eighth and/or 10th grade.

In eighth grade, about 13 percent of the adolescents did not feel safe; two years later, about nine percent did not feel safe. The validity of student reports was checked with several other indicators of school environment, such as theft, drugs, threatened harm and fights. Interestingly, students who feel safe in eighth grade, but unsafe two years later, may be most at risk. The odds of dropping out were almost three times greater for adolescents who reported feeling safe in eighth grade but unsafe two years later as compared to students who felt safe at both times. Viewed in light of this research, leaving school as a means of coping with chronic threats to personal safety becomes an adaptive, rather than maladaptive strategy.