May 1996

Start Early With Computers

Computers are likely to be part of our children's adult lives, whether they are checkers in a grocery store or rocket scientists. The best time to capitalize on children's curiosity about computers is before first grade, according to David Bergin, Martin Ford and Robert Hess, researchers at the University of Toledo's Center for Applied Cognitive Science in Ohio.

In their study, 95 kindergarten children worked in pairs on computers over a four-month period. Even though the researchers expected a novelty effect-that the children's initial high interest would fade with time-the kids worked eagerly and cooperatively on the computers throughout the study. Also contrary to expectations, there were no gender differences in the children's motivation or skills. Boys and girls were equally excited by this challenge and became skilled at using the computers at about the same rate.

Many studies with older children have indicated a strong gender difference, with elementary-school boys significantly more interested in and skilled with computers than same-aged girls. The message of hope in this research is that by providing kids with the opportunity to explore computers and develop those skills at a younger age, the gender differences among older children might disappear.

Source: Working Mother, June 1995

Better Listening Quiz

All of us need to be a better listen-to our children, to our spouses, to our friends and at work. To check your listening skills, try asking yourself these questions:

. AM I AWARE OF my own biases and prejudices that may be filtering out certain messages?

. DO I UNDERSTAND that people "speak" in nonverbal ways and that I must "hear" this communication too?

. DO I UNDERSTAND that when people feel they are being understood, they tend to be less defensive?

. AM I AWARE that being a good listener does not mean I must believe what I am hearing or subscribe to the values of the speaker?

. IF I WERE A LISTENER, would I listen to myself?

How's Your Family Well-being?

Sometimes when you look at your family, you may wish it were more like families on TV, or more like your friends' families. But when you take a look at what is really important in families, your family may be stronger than you think. Rate your family on how often the following things are true: Rate your family on a one to five scale (1=very seldom true, 2=occasionally true, 3=true about half the time, 4=often true, 5=true most all the time).

_____ 1. Our family enjoys being together and doing things together.

_____ 2. Our family allows each person to express feelings and opinions without being criticized or put-down.

_____ 3. We are proud of our family and proud of each person in it.

_____ 4. All families express appreciation by saying "thank you", "please", "you look nice", "I love you."

_____ 5. Our family members share common values, common goals and beliefs.

_____ 6. Our family can work together and satisfactorily work out any problems.

_____ 7. Our family sticks together when trouble strikes and can see the positive in a bad situation.

_____ 8. Our family can laugh and have fun together.

_____ 9. Our family is in constant touch with friends and relatives, and involved in school, youth, church and community groups.

Scoring: Total your score and compare it with the rating scale below:

37-45: Family strengths are good in all areas. Make them even better.

27-36: Doing well in some areas. Need extra effort in others.

17-26 Your family life isn't reaching its potential! Work to make it better.

Below 17: Your family life has been ignored. Don't let it die of neglect.

Moving is Stressful for Children

Are you moving this summer? About 19 percent of the U.S. population does move every year. When families move, whether it be to a nearby community or to another state, it can be difficult for children and youth. Moving disrupts routine, familiarity, and security. It often causes stress and anxiety. Adequate preparation makes transition easier. The following suggestions help make the move easier.

. Involve children and youth from the beginning. Tell them as soon as possible about the move. They usually sense when something is going on.

. Be honest about the reasons for the move. If the move is a matter of choice, many parents include their children and youth in the discussion to find out how they feel about it.

. Give children and youth something concrete to look forward to. For example, let them help pick out something new for their bedroom. Yet, don't be in a hurry to totally redecorate. Be sure that familiar furniture and objects will be used in the new home.

. Consider the timing of the move. Reconsider the possibility of moving during the school year. Contrary to past opinion, a move during the school year allows children and youth to get more attention from students and teachers than they would if they started on the first day when everyone is new.

. Say goodbye to friends, but also help them make new friends. Saying goodbye is difficult for children. Have a goodbye party for their friends, and if possible, visit each of their homes to say goodbye to their parents, pets, etc. When you arrive at your new location, join 4-H, Scouts, get acquainted with people at church, have a neighborhood party to meet new friends.

. Spend extra time with your family. Children need extra attention, patience, support and love. Spend extra time visiting children's schools, the library and other attractions to make the community seem more like home.

. Create new rituals in the new home. Decide on a time that is convenient for everyone, be it evening, morning, or some time during the weekend. Pick activities that are fun. It could be as simple as a picnic on the living room floor once a week.

. Expect your family to need time to adjust. Be willing to let your children regress. For example, even a teenager may need a light to keep on at night.

. Give your family many chances to express their feelings. Talk about fears, loneliness, joy and memories of the old home and friends. Take time to listen.

Source: Donna Rae Jacobson and Carol Gesme for Family Information Services, Department of Family Studies & Human Services and Cooperative Extension Service, Manhattan, Kansas, CONNECTIONS, May/June 1995.

Tips For Step-Family Relationships

. Balance family-togetherness activities with time spent alone with each child. It's especially important to make it comfortable for your spouse to spend tine alone with his/her children. As a stepparent, time spent alone with your stepchildren will also help build a positive relationship.

. Give children "permission" to relate to their stepparent. Kids often feel torn and disloyal to their natural parent when they establish a positive relationship with a stepparent.

. Don't make general criticisms about your spouse's children ("Jamie is so inconsiderate"), be specific about what bothers you ("Jamie leaves her clothes all over the house").

. Establish your own rituals and routines. Rules should apply to all family members regardless of biological origin, what happened before and what goes on in another household.

. You may feel guilty about the disruption in your child's life, but resist the urge to overcompensate by giving in all the time or lowering your expectations for his/her behavior.

. Make time for your marriage. Recognize that it's not selfish to want and need time "just for us." Your relationship is critical to the harmony in a step-family.

Source: WORK & FAMILY LIFE, Vol. 9, No. 2, February, 1995