May 1995

Ways to Handle Children s Sleep Problems

Behavior modification can effectively resolve many sleep problems in young children. Children without any serious underlying condition simply need to be taught to fall asleep alone in a consistent environment. Although the regimen developed by researchers Jodi Mindell and Mark Durand should be adapted for each child, dedicated parents may find these general suggestions useful:

Establish a specific bedtime and adhere to it strictly and consistently.

Initiate a pleasant 20-30 minute bedtime routine. This should involve the parents and should include such activities as brushing teeth, undressing and putting on pajamas, and reading a bedtime story.

Put the child, still awake, in his or her own bed.

If the child cries, follow a so-called "graduated extinction" approach that involves ignoring the child for longer and longer periods of time. For example, begin with five-minute intervals between responses; then after a day or two, extend them to 10 and then to 15 minutes.

During responses, simply go into the room and reassure the child. Do not turn on lights or pick up the child.

If the child gets out of bed, return him or her to bed matter-of-factly and without reprimand.

Causes of some sleep problems in children are obvious--physical or emotional trauma and anxiety, for example. Such problems may respond to any or all of the above suggestions. Children with more severe problems should be evaluated by a pediatrician.

Source: The Menninger Letter, Vol. 2, No. 12, December 1994

Tips For Smoother Stepfamily Relationships

Balance family-togetherness activities with time spent alone with each child. It s especially important to make it comfortable for your spouse to spend time alone with his or her children. As a stepparent, time spent alone with your stepchildren will also help build a positive relationship.

Give children "permission" to relate to their stepparent. Kids often feel torn and disloyal to their natural parent when they establish a positive relationship with a stepparent.

Rather than making general criticism about your spouse s children ("Jamie is so inconsiderate"), be specific about what bothers you ("Jamie leaves her clothes all over the house").

Establish your own rituals and routines. Rules should apply to all family members regardless of biological origin, what happened before and what goes on in another household.

You may feel guilty about the disruption in your child s life, but resist the urge to overcompensate by giving in all the time or lowering your expectations for his or her behavior.

Make time for your marriage. Recognize that it s not selfish to want and need time "just for us." Your relationship is critical to the harmony in a stepfamily.

Source: WORK & FAMILY LIFE, Vol. 9, No. 2, February, 1995

Peers and Adolescents

At adolescence, peer relations expand to occupy a particularly central role in young people s lives. New types (e.g., opposite sex, romantic ties) and levels (e.g., "crowds") of peer relationships emerge. Peers typically supplant the family as the locus of a young person s socializing and leisure activities.

Teenagers have multiple peer relationships, and they confront multiple "peer" cultures that have remarkably different norms and value systems. Thus, the adult perception of peers as having one culture or a unified front of dangerous influence, is inaccurate. More often than not, peers reinforce family values, but they have the potential to encourage problem behaviors as well. Although the negative influence of peers is overemphasized, more can be done to help teenagers experience the family and the peer group as mutually constructive environments. Here are some facts about parent, adolescent and peer relations:

1. During adolescence, parents and adolescents become more physically and psychologically distant from each other. This normal distancing is manifested by decreases in emotional closeness and warmth, increases in parent-adolescent conflict and disagreement, and an increase in time adolescents spend with peers.

2. Increases in family strains (economic pressures, divorce, etc.) have prompted teenagers to depend more on peers for emotional support. By the high school years, most teenagers report feeling closer to friends than parents.

3. Parent-adolescent conflict increases between childhood and early adolescence, although in most families, its frequency and intensity remain low. Typically, conflict and disagreement are the result of relationship negotiation and continuing attempts by parents to socialize their adolescents, and do not signal the breakdown of parent-adolescent relations.

4. In 10 percent to 20 percent of families, parents and adolescents are in distressed relationships characterized by emotional coldness and frequent outbursts of anger and conflict. Adolescents in these families are at high risk for a variety of psychological and behavioral problems.

5. Youth gangs, commonly associated with inner-city neighborhoods, are becoming a recognizable peer group among youth in smaller cities, suburbs, and even rural areas. Gangs are particularly visible in communities with a significant portion of economically disadvantaged families.

6. Formal dating patterns of two generations ago have been replaced with informal socializing patterns in mixed-sex groups. This encourages casual sexual relationships that heighten the risk of exposure to AIDS and other STDs.

7. As high schools become more culturally diverse environments, ethnicity is replacing individual abilities or interests as the basis for defining peer "crowds." Crowds can be an important source of ethnic identity, but also the locus of racial tension in schools.

8. There has been an increase in part-time employment among youth, it has had little impact on peer relations. To find time for work, teenagers drop extracurricular activities, reduce time spent on homework, and withdraw from family interactions, but they "protect" time spent with friends.

It is critically important that families provide a safe, supportive, nurturing environment for adolescents as they struggle for identity and autonomy. At the same time, families must provide limits and expectations for all members to live by.