July 1998
The Internet provides the family with unequaled resources and high-tech adventures, most of which are very valuable. But what about their online safety? After all, even the best-behaved children are curious, and innocent searches can turn up unexpected links. Type the work "girls" in your browser's search field. Surprised at what comes up? Now try "toys".
Needless to say, there's so substitute for parental involvement and good old common sense. You'll want to establish a set of house rules for your children's Internet use, and talk with them openly about the kinds of text and images they might encounter. Whenever possible, be online with youngsters, or at least be present in the room.
Parents today can choose from an impressive array of monitoring and filtering devices. Which one you choose depends on your goals and philosophy. Monitoring programs simply keep track of where children have been on the Internet and what they've seen. These programs literally keep lists of Websites visited (some take actual screenshots of Web activity) and save them in a file only parents can access. The idea here is that after establishing a set of house Internet rules, parents can check to make sure their children are complying with the family policy. Children who know mom and dad are keeping tabs are far less likely to violate rules.
The most comprehensive-and controversial-parental-control programs are the filtering or blocking products that actually prohibit access to certain sites or pages. These programs typically work from ratings systems and updatable lists of allowed or disallowed sites. The idea here is to keep children from accessing sites that feature pornography, violence, illegal behavior and hate literature. When a child attempts to access a page within appropriate content, he is either warned off or blocked from the site completely. The best device offers parents the option to set different limits for different-age children and also let grownups add and subtract restricted content or sites.
Before you decide to buy a parental-control package, be sure to investigate the controls you may already have on your computer or on your Internet provider and browser. Many late-model computers come equipped with a child's browser, appropriate for four-to-eight-year-olds, that limits Internet access to select children's sites. Parents can add sites to the allowed list or restrict Internet access completely. Two of the top-rated parental controls are Cyber Patrol and SurfWatch.
The very best way to assure a positive experience with the Web for your children is to stay involved and interested. Educate yourself, establish a family policy based on your concerns and comfort level and try to strike a balance between your children's need for privacy and your desire to protect them. By keeping the lines of communication open and participating as often as you can, you'll minimize the risks and share in the rewards.
Source: Ann Orr, Working Mother, May 1998
If you have a family photograph of your toddler playing peekaboo, you might think it is just a simple game. But, in those few seconds, thousands of cells in your child's brain were responding. Some were "turned on" while others were strengthened. At the same time, new connections were formed-which added definition and complexity to the intricate circuitry that would remain largely in place for the rest of his life.
We've learned that because the brain is remarkably unfinished at birth, these early experiences actually affect the way children's brains become "wired". Relationships with parents and caregivers, the sights, sounds, smells and feelings children experience, and the challenges they meet all help determine the structure of the brain and, therefore, shape the way they learn, think and behave for the rest of their lives.
Why the first three years? Neuroscientists have found that throughout the entire process of development, beginning even before birth, the brain is affected by environmental conditions, including the kind of nourishment, care, surroundings and stimulation as individual receives. A majority of synapses-the connections from one brain cell to another-are produced during the first few years of life. The number of synapses increases with astonishing rapidity until about age three, then holds steady for the next 10 years or so. The synapses that have been activated many times as a result of repeated early experiences tend to become permanent; the ones not used often enough tend to be eliminated.
What does this mean for parents? Families and caregivers know they're important in the lives of babies. The new research on brain development helps explain why. Here's what it tells us we should do in order to raise healthy, happy children and confident, competent learners.
Be warm, loving and responsive. This helps develop the strong bond babies feel toward the adults who care for them, which becomes the basis of children's future relationships. We've always known that children thrive when they feel secure; now we know that early attachments actually affect the way children's brains grow and develop. Because babies experience relationships through their senses, it's the expression of love-talking, smiling, touching, hugging-that affects how a young child's brain is "wired" and helps to shape later learning and behavior.
Be responsive to cues and clues such as the sounds a child makes, her facial expressions, the way he makes (or avoids) eye contact. Pay as much attention to your child's need for quiet times as to his or her need for stimulation. Also, studies show that infants who are responded to warmly and quickly learn to cry less and sleep better at night. At the same time, when babies are calmed by being comforted or fed, the brain's stress-response systems are turned off. Babies' brains begin to create the network of cells that help them learn to soothe themselves.
Talk, read and sing to your child. Make up silly songs to tunes you know using the names of familiar people, pets and places. Even though infants might not grasp the meaning of words, the repetition and the interaction with you develops the parts of the brain that handle speech and language. Read simple picture books to babies without trying to "teach" them at first. With older babies and toddlers, read stories in a way that encourages them to participate: repeat thymes and refrains so they can do the same.
Use discipline as an opportunity to teach. As children explore their ever-expanding world, they need limits and consistent, loving adult supervision. But don't expect young children to always do what you say. They are normally impulsive and will hit, yell or fall apart at times-because their feelings of frustration and anger exceed their ability to control themselves. Helping children learn self-control takes time. Many approaches to setting limits can work as long as they are intended to teach children rather than punish them. Never hit or shake your child. Discipline is about learning, and from this kind of interaction a child learns fear, humiliation, rage-and that violence is an acceptable way of reacting. Take a time out for yourself, count to 10 or call a relative or friend for support if you need to.
Source: Work & Family, Vol. 12, No. 4, April 1998
Summertime means family reunion time. However, paying reunion expenses poses a problem in many families. Here are some ideas for financing your reunion and helping family members who might otherwise be unable to attend.
Be supportive. In most nuclear families, relatives know who has money and who doesn't. If you can afford to, volunteer to pay travel expenses for a sibling, parent or cousin.
Create a reunion fund supported by family members who can afford to contribute. Have a fair plan for deciding who will receive help from the fund for tickets or accommodations. At the reunion remind everyone that the fund needs donations for next time.
Hold a fund-raiser. Another way to raise money is to sell reunion hats, T-shirts and other family-generated products such as a cookbook, videotape or history in book form. A prosperous family member might agree to pay-or advance the money-for these products or projects.
Reservations fee. Have the family treasurer collect a small fee from each person to reserve facilities for the next reunion.
Send a representative. One way to beat the money hurdle is to send one person from your immediate family to the reunion as a representative. Equip your delegate with a camera and lots of photos of all of you-and remind him or her of all the family news you want reported.
Source: Work & Family Life, Vol.12, No. 4, April 1998
Herbert G. Lingren, PhD