July 1996

Preparing For Your Child's Camping Experience

Summer camp is more than a country vacation for kids. At camp, they learn to appreciate the outdoors, develop companionship and pick up skills that enhance self-reliance, cooperation and independence. These skills will remain with them throughout childhood. Camp also serves as a kind of refuge where children can unburden themselves of the pressures at home. Camp frees them, gets their creative juices flowing and renews their sense of being kids. To help your child have a successful camping experience...

. Think of camp as a learning experience. Camp offers a wonderful opportunity for both you and your children to practice "letting go"--and to become more emotionally independent. Learning to let go allows children to develop autonomy and a stronger sense of self. It also gives parents a chance to take care of themselves and get to know each other again.

. Prepare for camp together. Decisions about camp--like where to go and what to pack--should be a joint venture, keeping in mind your child's level of maturity. If your child feels part of the decision-making process, his or her chances of having a positive experience will improve.

. Talk about concerns. As the first day of camp nears, some children experience uneasiness about going away. Children should be encouraged to talk about these feelings. Ask your child about his or her feelings rather than acting on what you think those feelings may be. Communicate confidence in your child's ability to handle being away from home and remind him about successes he has experienced in other situations.

. Have realistic expectations. Camp, like the rest of life, has high points and low ones. Not every moment will be filled with excitement. At times, your child will feel great while at other times she may feel unhappy or bored. And, kids may not always get along well with each other.

Remember, camp experiences provide opportunities for problem solving, negotiating, increased self-awareness and greater sensitivity toward others. Don't send your child to camp feeling pressured to succeed. The main purposes of camp are to relax and have fun.

Source: Bruce Muchnick, How to Help Your Child Have A Great Time At Camp. Bottom Line, Vol. 17, No. 8.

When Your Child Is At Camp

Often parents get anxious when their children are at camp and want to find out if they are all right. Here are some tips that will help the child in developing autonomy and a sense of self while allowing parents to "keep tabs" on the child.

. Don't call within the first two weeks. If your child will be away at camp for most of the summer. It takes this long to adjust to being away and a call from home may disrupt the process. It's hard to get an accurate sense of how a child is managing over the phone--this can be unsettling for you and your child, so it's best not to call at all.

. Communicate in writing. Summer camp offers kids and parents the chance to develop a rarely practiced skill--letter writing. Write as often as you want. Keep in mind that this is your child's connection to home and family. Your letters should be upbeat. It's fine to write that you miss your child, but don't say things like "The house is so quiet without you."

. Packages are appreciated every now and then. But, don't send food--it's disruptive if some kids receive food packages and others receive nothing. Receiving food packages may go against camp policy. If your child asks you to sneak in food packages, don't. Send postcards, cartoons, newspaper and magazine articles, comics, game books, puzzles and other items that can be shared with friends.

. Don't make major changes at home. This is not the time to redecorate her room or get rid of his pet snake. When kids return from camp, they like their rooms and their lives to be the same as when they left.

. Help your child cope at camp. Most kids need a few days to adjust to life at camp and being away from home. During this time, many experience homesickness. They miss familiar surroundings, parents, pets and friends. Most kids cope with these concerns and--with the help of camp staff--build support systems. If your child's letters contain urgent pleas for you to bring him home, resist the temptation to rush to camp. Avoid making deals, such as "Give camp one more week. If you're still unhappy, we'll bring you home."

Support your child's efforts to work out problems with the help of the director and the camp's staff. Communicate your love and confidence in your child's ability to work through problems. Remind her, if necessary, that she has made a commitment for the time period. Overcoming homesickness and upsets in the cabin and learning to care for oneself are important challenges faced at camp. If you sense legitimacy in your child's complaints, talk candidly with the camp director and follow up with another call a few days later. Most adjustment difficulties can be worked through.

. Trust your instincts. The occasional child who is truly not enjoying anything, having a miserable time and not adjusting to camp life at all should be allowed to return home after a reasonable amount of time and effort. Keep in mind that kids often feel guilty when an experience like camp does not work out for them. It is important to let your child know that he has not failed and there will be other summers with other adventures.

Source: Bruce Muchnick, How to Help Your Child Have A Great Time At Camp. Bottom Line, Vol. 17, No. 8.

When Your Teen Is Depressed

The combination of depression and drinking or other drug use is particularly lethal for young people. A study of teenage suicides found that nearly 70 percent of teens were diagnosed with a depressive illness before their deaths, and nearly half were abusing alcohol at the times of their deaths. The Brown University Child and Adolescent Behavior Letter offers these suggestions for ways relatives and friends can help an at-risk teen:

. Look for symptoms of depression and/or drug use. They may include problems sleeping, fatigue, changes in appetite, restlessness, mood swings and feelings of hopelessness.

. Be alert to hints that a teen may be thinking about suicide. These may include comments (It's no use...I'd be better off dead), giving away favorite possessions, sudden cheerfulness after a period of depression (because they think they have found a solution).

. Take any mention of suicide very seriously. Most depressed teens don't want to talk about their feelings. They feel alone and may fear your criticism or even ridicule. If your child brings up the subject of suicide, take some time to talk about it.

. Reassure a teenager that he or she has someone to turn to. Remind your child of all the people who care about him or her--but don't lecture. Emphasize that depression and suicidal tendencies can be treated.

. Get help before symptoms worsen. Don't try to solve the problem alone. See family physician at once. Ask the American Psychiatric Association (1400 K St., Washington, D.C. 20005) to send you its publication "Let's Talk Facts About Teen Suicide."