April 1996

Make Family Time Special

Try these activities to bring your family closer. Some are silly, others quiet and introspective; some are just for you and your children; others suggest ways to reach out to your community. Whatever the form, each is guaranteed to create a fond memory for all of you.

1. Write a letter to each child. What were your thoughts when you first held her? Did she look like you or your spouse? What were your first words to her? When you get the opportunity, take a moment to write to your children, telling them of their beginnings. It will clarify for you now and for them later just why your family matters so much.

2. Pass down a family heirloom. It may be a ring, a bracelet, a watch, an old trunk, an old saw that was brought when Grandpa immigrated, a bible, graduation cap, a book you used in school when you were a child, a cookbook, a newspaper from the child's date of birth.

3. Organize a mailbox reunion. Ask someone from each branch of the family tree to gather written recollections of important events, recipes, photocopies of black and white photos, and other reproducible memorabilia. Assemble the materials and send a complete, staple-bound copy to each family.

4. Revisit the old homestead. It doesn't matter if the old family place (yours, or your parents' or grandparents') was a tiny walk-up apartment. An expedition to the home where your family planted its roots can bear fruit--in the form of additional memories and stories-- for you and your children. If the old homestead has been torn down, look for remaining landmarks. Let your kids see the school you or their grandparents attended, the hospital where you were born, places where great-grandparents are buried.

5. Play the name game. Whatever reason you had for choosing each of your children's names, tell it to them. Buy or borrow a book about names to look up the meaning of everyone's name. Discuss together ways in which each name is just right for each person.

6. Keep a family book of quotations. Start a book to jot down your kids' sure-to-be-famous sayings. Any notebook will do. Just store it in an easy-to-reach place and update it often.

7. Let your children overhear you. Complimenting kids directly can make them feel good. But letting them hear you brag about them when their backs are turned makes them feel great! Some phrases kids love to eavesdrop on:

. I can't right now; I'm having fun with my kids.

. I'll ask my daughter; she's good at these things.

. I feel so lucky to be his parent.

8. Record a day in your family's life. Letting kids loose with their own cameras gives them, and you, a chance to see things from their own very special perspective. Create an album--"The Jones Family on January 1, 1996"--and have each family member record whatever he or she wants for inclusion in this historic project. Inexpensive single-use cameras are perfect for this; each youngster can have one of his or her own.

9. Let your kids teach you something you don't know. Watch what happens when your son or daughter gets to teach you how to in-line skate, program the VCR or French braid your hair. You'll both find out what they're good at, you'll learn a new skill, and your kids will enjoy trying out the teaching role.

10. Start a family foundation. Instead of tossing away the appeals you receive from charities, set up a charitable organization of your own, with you and your kids serving as the board of directors. Encourage your kids to put aside loose change; you do the same. Once a year or so, convene a meeting of the board--your family--to determine which worthy cause will get the money you've been saving.

11. Adopt a neighbor. It's possible to lend a hand or just an ear to someone who needs it--an older person whose family has moved away, someone who is caring for a disabled relative, or a single parent who's new to the neighborhood. Invite this person to dinner, bring him a home-cooked meal or some current magazines, shovel her driveway after a snowstorm or offer to babysit the kids for a couple of hours.

12. Take a leisurely stroll. Set aside one evening a week for a walk with your kids. Walking can put you in touch with your surroundings again, giving you the chance to stop by a new store, see a neighbor's garden up close or chat with those you've seen but never really met.

13. Share potluck with other families. A nightly dinner with your own family is a delight. But an occasional evening teamed up with another family can be double the fun, especially if yours is a small family. Besides the pleasure of sharing a meal, potlucks provide a homey connection to others in the neighborhood.

14. Practice random acts of kindness. The opportunities for small acts of goodwill are everywhere:

. Carry groceries for someone who's struggling with heavy bags.

. Let someone in a greater hurry get ahead of you in line.

15. Play hooky with your kids. Sure it's important to be responsible and to teach children to play by the rules. But every once in a while, we all need a break from being dutiful. Done infrequently, minor slacking off pays big dividends.

Adapted from 100 Things You Can Do to Keep Your Family Together by permission of Peterson's, Princeton, NJ. Copyright c 1994 by Marge Kennedy.

When Children Sleep Over

Most kids aren't ready for a sleepover at a friends house until they are 6, 7 or 8. Sleeping over at grandparents or the home of close family friends is good practice. When your child sleeps over at someone else's house, here are some tips for parents to remember:

.Don't' expect children to sleep at someone's house unless they have been there before and also know the adults.

.Listen to see if your child is worried about sleeping over. Don't say "Once you get there, it's going to be all right." Find out about their fear or anxiety.

.Support your child's desire to bring a blanket or stuffed animal to a sleepover-even teens do this.

When other kids sleep over at your house:

.Check with each parent ahead of time to learn about each child and explain what you may be doing and the beginning and ending times.

.Find out if any child has allergies to foods, feather pillows, pets or anything else.

.Establish ground rules on noise, TV, video game, computer use and other concerns you might have.

.Fill the refrigerator with foods you want them to eat, and always have food such as popcorn on hand.

.Remember that you too are on display, not only for children, but for their parents as well. Don't be surprised at being the brunt of barbs and giggles from the kids.

.Be accessible. It's not uncommon for kids to call at 11 p.m. and say they want to come home. Don't force a child to stay. Say, "It's okay, we'll try again next time."

.Enjoy! Sleepovers are a great part of growing up.

Source: Marcia Cantarella, Sleepovers are good for kids and parents. Work & Family Life. February, 1996.